the unknown

i'm a very protected girl.
i get into a teary mess watching semi-touching commercial ads,
i feel burdened upon reading news on crimes and deaths,
i flared up in anger when i hear about rapes and sex trafficking,
and many times i just couldn't comprehend how can a human be so merciless and cruel...
how could someone feed on someone else's pain and agony?
how can some people be so sick?

as i calm myself down after feeling overwhelmingly emotional after reading all these awful articles online (its the hormones speaking too), i start to feel really blessed.
it's true i'm all alone, unwell, in this small room of an old mattress, a floor filled with my hair, school work in a pile which i had been successfully ignoring, and getting annoyed by someone singing karaoke (old ancient chinese songs) from the house next door.... BUT when i stop dwelling in self-pity, i could see how much favor God has given me.

it's not about being positive, but it's really a matter of faith and thankfulness.

i'm well received and loved in my working environment,
i actually love my job,
i'm very in love with a guy who loves me as much, if not more,
i have the best parents,
despite my love handles, i think i look ok enough,
and i'm someone who has a lot of love to give!

There are times when i still think whether there is more to what i have now.
All this while, my life journey has been very protected and provided.
God blessed me with good results consistently from primary to secondary, and then gave me scholarships, and when i'm done studying i was provided with a job. Of course many steps of faith were taken in between but one would say i have a pretty smooth-sailing life compared to many. And it still feels like i'm still very much in my comfort zone...

Now, i often find myself thinking.. "What's next?", "Will i be able to compete in a world without stability?", "Will i be complacent?"

The thing is, i always challenge my students to 'dream', to 'think BIG', and we even did lessons on making our Bucket List...
and the question falls back at me... "Am i doing what i preach?"

I guess it's high time to seek God earnestly, and look into myself too,
who knows, it may be time for a new crazy adventure of crazy faith...
a time to walk towards the unknown..........