I actually wrote this on my FB status as my personal reflection for today. Just thought I should share it here on my personal writing space ~
One by one, rejection emails are coming in...
They all started politely but that's just a nicer way to say that 'we don't want you.'
Up to a point, (without really telling my husband) I felt scared and
somewhat depressed... I was a multi-scholarship recipient, I was a
well-appreciated and acknowledged teacher, I had New Zealand
qualifications and a rather impressive resume (especially since I started working at the age of 14), and yet... I couldn't even secure a part-time, retail assistant position.........
Then it struck me real hard... There were so many 'I's in my thoughts.
Again and again, I allowed myself to think too highly of myself,
forgetting that all those were blessings and gifts from God. And even
though I have been praying and submitting my circumstances to God, it
seems like I was still relying on my own perception of my abilities, and
doubting His provision and guidance...
This is definitely a HUMBLING journey.
I looked at Alex and told him, our deadline is really near. In fact, in
9-10 days if there are still no opening for me here in NZ, I be going
back to Malaysia, and we will start the dreaded long-distance-marriage.
Even as I said so, there was peace in my heart. Simply because we have
decided to submit everything into His plans. And IF, we were to be
separated, I believe God will give us the wisdom and strength to endure
the difficulties ahead.
Plus, I have applied all that I could
(the education related ones have not gotten back to me yet), and thought
I want to make my days here in Auckland of worth. So, I volunteered to
help out in our church's English classes and was told to go for their
sessions to see how I would like to help. And so I did.
Friday, I walked to church, not knowing what to expect. And WAS I BLOWN
AWAY. There were about 30 mums, dads, grandpas and grandmas in that
classroom (and there was also another class for weaker students),
actively engaging in the class!!! Even with limited English, they were
responsive, checking their electronic dictionaries, asking questions,
making notes... and I was just impressed by their commitment and
enthusiasm to learn! Very quickly, I made friends with those around me,
including a couple of grandparents from Hong Kong, and they kept
thanking for being there because I was helping them to understand
better. Of course the lessons taught were really simple for me but I was
soaking up like a sponge, observing how the teacher - Juliette was
teaching. I found myself learning again which was plain exciting for me.
And this morning, I was invited by my new friends for a bible study in
church (especially organised for the Chinese). Once again, impressive
turnout and made more friends. As I helped to translate or guide the
ones beside me on vocabulary and content, I found joy, just being able
to contribute and help someone. Now, my new friends insist I join more
of the conversational classes or bible study (this church does 3 free
english classes a week) with them lol, and guess what, most of them are
not even Christians but came to learn and they were asking me about
baptism and Christianity.
So yea, I don't know how much more
time do I have in New Zealand, will I be making a move or will I be
staying... But I love my current state of mind. To worry less, submit it
all to Him, and just enjoy the ride. I truly believe that He has plans
for us and his timing is always the best, beyond our expectation or even